Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Why I am not married:

You probably clicked on the link thinking I would tell you about my troll skin under my clothes being the reason I am not married. No such luck. It was prompted by this: Dylan Stableford gathered together the top 40 stories and videos reposted on Facebook and listed them on a Yahoo News Blog today. I laughed at my predictability at having posted several already. And equally as predictable, posted today's story as well.
Though I have piles of work on my desk, I spent a few perusing the articles I hadn't come across this year.
One in particular has me deeply confused. Was I supposed to find it humorous? You can find it in the above article.
Here's the lowdown: A woman who has been married 3 times shared the six reasons why I am still single. Apparently, having landed a man 3 times makes her an authority. I think Bridget Jones would call her a smug married, and divorced, and married, and divorced, and married and divorced....Her reasons are deeply philosophical. Here's the list, sans inane description.
Cover your ears, she speaks French.

1. You're a b!tch.
2. You're shallow.
3. You're a s!ut.
4. You're a liar.
5. You're selfish.
6. You're not good enough.

Really? Seriously? Here's where I need help; does she really believe this? Or was she just trying to be funny to get to the the last bit? Because, I may be all those things listed, (Those of you who think I'm #1, try not to laugh too hard), but honey.... a lot of my married friends are those things too. In fact, I've often wondered how some friends, (no one reading this of course) ever landed their man in the first place. I've watched women make nagging an olympic sport. Talk about stamina.
Being married is not my goal. Not if it means also being divorced three times. And she's not wrong for being divorced three times; she's not a bad person. She just made different choices, no better or worse than mine.
So, for all those reasons, I say, marriage is pretty much like pregnancy. Some people who aren't expecting it, find they are in that "condition". Others try and try, but for no fault in um, trying, find it eludes them. (But it was fun trying, wasn't it?) Still others take precautionary measures and still land in that position. And others....like the author, find themselves with 3.
There are some mysteries that just can't be explained.
She and I can agree on one thing. It's about love. Or rather, it should be. Being single, married or divorced should all be about love. Loving yourself enough to follow your heart, and loving someone else enough to encourage them to follow their heart.


Mima said...

Amen to that! Thank you so much for writing this... I loved the last statement you made about loving yourself (first) as well as loving another.

Cassandra said...

Thanks so much for your comment Mima. I'm so glad someone liked the message. Thanks everyone for comments on facebook too!