This morning, I woke with a thought in my head to do something I knew in my heart would be rash and ill advised. I knew from a conversation last night, that I ought to wait, and see; but in the early dawn hours when thoughts are more heart and less logic, I thought I could not.
I spent my morning wrestling with this thought. Then came the email alerting me to a new posting of another blog I just yesterday subscribed to. The title: Still Waiting. The words caused my heart to palpitate a little more quickly. I read the blog, and tried to settle into the place of active inactivity. The place of waiting in peace. I thought perhaps it was a message meant just for me.
Then, my phone rang. I had an unexpected conversation with an old friend. The message wasn't just wait; but contrived to make what I so dearly want to do somewhat of a mute point. So, now, I have the message about waiting, and I have the message that what I want to do, I ought not.
And finally, a guilty pleasure, Dr. Who continued the dialogue in my mind. Not the should I wait dialogue, but the synchronicity dialogue. I flicked on the DVD while I ate lunch in hopes of distracting myself. Watching the last episode of the last season, the Doctor refers to his companion as the girl who waited. And like a string of pearls, each thought hugged the next and brought me full circle.
I'm still fighting with whether or not I can or will wait. I'm still struggling with my heart and my head. My goal is to wait in peace.
But I'm marveling at the way God speaks, and laughing that even an episode of Dr Who spoke an affirmation to me about which direction to go. And, I'm still waiting, with open arms and an open heart. And while I wait, I'm grateful that answers come from magical places, and we are expanded in waiting. As a pregnant woman expands and gives birth, waiting sometimes gives birth to life.