Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Life jacket please

Today was not only the longest day of the year; it was my anniversary with the hot yoga world. This I know thanks to the wonders of modern technology and automated email. I've been practicing hot yoga for four years now. Ironically, today marked day 4 of the studio being closed for repair. I thought I would die to go three days without, and as it turns out, it was extended to 4. I wish I had closed down for repair.
I don't know what I would have done had the studio been business as usual this weekend. I go nearly every day, sometimes twice to keep my overall attendance at about 29 classes per month. I might be obsessive, addicted...both. That said, I was looking at 4 days, no yoga. It was kind of scary and wonderful to think about a forced break. (Well....there are other studios) What would I do with 4 whole days?
Somehow, I made it. And, as each day passed, I wondered how I've managed to go so frequently. Yoga is definitely the rock in my day. (You know the 'ol demonstration you've seen at some feel good meeting: If you have sand, water and rocks to squeeze in a container, you've got to start with the rocks and finish with the water in order for everything to fit.) Now, granted, there are people far busier than me who have a more difficult time squeezing it all in, but this is my blog. And this is my four days:
Saturday afternoon, somewhere around the time I would be in toe stand, someone said to me, "shouldn't you be in yoga right now?" She said this as we were hefting a very heavy box over our heads and onto a second story shelf in the barn, precariously balancing on a ladder and an old pool table. Saturday was a very big clean up day here at hoarders anonymous, and I can't imagine toodling off before the job was done. It was a very long day, a dirty day and a necessary day. Sunday, I continued the clean-up/purge in my own house, and realized we really don't use every muscle in yoga. (It's part of the dialogue; we're told that we've just used every muscle, every joint and tendon.) I felt some new ones, some underused ones on Sunday....which also was Father's Day. Though my Father is gone, and I haven't made anyone else a father, I still actually had a place to be. So, another afternoon rolled around where I looked at the clock and wondered how I would have made it to yoga that day.
By Monday, I'm kind of grumpy, missing my yoga and my community. But, as I'm shoving food in my face just before I would normally be doing a breathing exercise, I'm kind of okay with being home.
Which brings me to today. My anniversary. Once again, right around the time I'd normally be leaving for yoga, I had to acknowledge that I was not; I was down in the barn, this time attending to the horses. I had a very full day and wondered how I would have managed to do all I did, and still make it to yoga.
And, here's the thing...well, two things really. Here's the less important thing: I did get some hot yoga today. Who needs to heat a room when the sun is doing such a fine job? I took my mat to the back deck, set a timer for 90 minutes, and recited as much of the dialogue in my mind as I could. Oddly enough, no matter what posture I was in, I repeated "spread your arms out to the side like a 747 taking off." Is it because that's my least favorite posture? Just a thought.
More to the point, I have mixed feelings about these last four days. They kind of feel like a freight train hit me. It seems counter-intuitive to me. I had four whole days not punctuated by the time investment of going to yoga. I had visions of hunkering down and writing all the things I've been wanting to. I had an idea I'd visit one of those other studios. I thought I'd have endless time, and in retrospect it seems like I had less, not more.
I think I'll be rolling this around in my mind for a couple days. One thing I do know; I'm ready to go back. My body misses it. I miss the people. Well, most of them. I have a new appreciation for it though. I'm going to have to work out how it is that I seem to have more time when I go to yoga. And then, if I could just bottle that I'd share it with everyone.


eshibui said...

I didn't know you were so into yoga to be doing it 29 times a month. WOW! That's AWESOME! I bet your first day back will be sweet. Hang in there. :D


Anonymous said...

I love your commitment to yoga, or as you mention the possible obsessive-ness to it... But I also appreciate the 'forced' break because it's what's in the pauses that we really get to See, such as those 20 seconds between each Bikram pose where at times it's as if I would rather be in the pose than out of it, rather be working my ass off than having to see or pay attention to what's rumbling underneath all the busy-ness. Your insight is perfect and absolutely necessary in the grand scheme of things, but it sounds to me like you already know this. I like it, and am glad I stopped to hear You.